One Tiny Success in Parenting (I hope!)

Lately as a parent, I constantly feel like banging my head against the wall. We signed up for the Love and Logic parenting class for the third time, but the ideas don't seem to apply to our irrational children. There has to be some element of reason on their side for it to work, and they don't have any. They keep blaming us for the consequences instead of realizing they had something to do with it.

When school started, I figured I had to get McKenzie and Thomas up at 6:30am so they could both practice piano before school. Thomas didn't handle that schedule very well and was super cranky all the time. Now I wake up McKenzie at 7am and let Thomas sleep until he wakes on his own (which isn't too much later). McKenzie is supposed to practice in the morning for 30 min and Thomas chose to practice in the afternoon for 30 min. The problem is that in the afternoon, I'm busy, the kids are running around, and friends keep coming by to see if my kids can play. It's chaos. So, I have a new plan. And it incorporates something I learned from Love and Logic. :-)

This morning, I told the kids that I'm leaving at a certain time. If they weren't ready I'd leave without them and give their friend (who we carpool with) a ride to school. When I return, I'll give them a ride to school for $1 each. I've never seen them move so fast. Both of them hustled to get ready and get to the car before I left. McKenzie did her hair on the way, and Thomas put on his socks and shoes, but they made it. Our new schedule starts with McKenzie getting up at 7am. She can practice the piano for 30 minutes, then eat breakfast and get ready for school. Thomas will have time to practice as well, and be able to sleep a little later. I hope this works, and that they soon learn to move it in the morning. My head is sore.

Counting With Mason

Mason and I just had this crazy conversation:
Me: Ah! I forgot to call the doctor today about your ears!
Mason: And my hiccups?
Me: Your hiccups? No, you have to keep those until you're forty-two.
Mason: You mean forty-ten?
Me: No, that would be fifty.
Mason: Or fifty-eleven.
Me: That's sixty-one.
Mason: Eleventeen.
Me (laughing by this point): I give up.

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We're thankful for toilets?

This morning during family prayer, the kids were having a hard time being reverent. I told them I would keep praying until they were quiet and reverent. Mason and Thomas kept poking each other and wiggling and picking up random things, so I just kept praying. After already expressing gratitude and asking for blessings for various people, I thanked Heavenly Father for individual leaders of our church, and for the grass and trees, and then parts of our home. The kids were finally settling down when I considered that I appreciate not having to go outside to an outhouse, so I said "we're thankful for our toilets..." So much for reverence. At least the kids stifled their laughter. I figured they were reverent enough, so we closed our prayer. In the future, I'll leave out the toilets in family prayer, but I'm still super grateful for them! ;-D

How Much Farther?

I had my peak run scheduled for yesterday. I was supposed to run 20 miles. I mapped it out a couple of weeks ago, and then revised it. But I forgot to remap it after I revised it, so I had it stuck in my head that my revised route was 20 miles. I left a little before 6am (after getting only 4 1/2 hours of sleep due to circumstances beyond my control. The Kristi of 5 years ago would never believe any of this story.), and headed out to run the loop around the river. A loop that I recently learned was 23 miles. I thought somehow there must be more to it than I was running, because my route was only 20 miles.

Michael left a little just before 8am on his road bike after dropping the kids off, setting out, and then returning back home to set his trip meter so he'd know exactly how far I ran. He followed my route and caught up with me at 15.5 miles. It was so nice for him to join me for the hardest part of my run. He refilled my water bottle for me, provided encouragement, and let me know when I reached 20 miles... EARLY. I still had at least three more miles to go before I'd arrive at home. So, I kept running. And running. After two more miles, without knowing exactly how much farther it would be, and not wanting to practically run a marathon before actually running the marathon, I sent him ahead to get the Jeep and come rescue me. I wound up going a little more than 22 miles. I have to admit, this whole thing does sometimes seem a little insane to me.

I took two ice baths (brutal, but worth it) after stretching out, so fortunately my legs aren't too sore today. You may wonder why I keep doing this to myself. I've always considered myself a night person, but I'm discovering the beauty of early mornings. It's a quiet, calm world - not one I often see. I love the feeling of running and the increased ability I have to cross mile after mile. I get to listen to my podcasts without a single interruption. My favorites are BYU speeches and General Conference addresses. I'm able to exercise, learn and be uplifted all at once. These are pretty much my reasons why I keep running. I look forward to bicycling with my family on Saturdays once the marathon is done, but I'll still keep running while I can. :-)

Updating My Blog

It is late on a Sunday night. My sister, Becky, is serving as a missionary in the Ft. Lauderdale mission. Every Sunday (almost) I write her a letter. I'm falling behind. I wanted to send her updates of my blog, but I haven't written much at all since May. So, I'm rushing to update it some, and will print off the newer posts and mail them to her. Meanwhile, I still need to send her an email. But I can't stay up too late, b/c I have an early run. So, we'll see what I get done. I meant to have this done by last Tuesday at the latest, but it may run over again into this week.

No More Whining, And I Mean It!

This morning I was awakened by the strains of my two oldest children arguing over a Wii game. I was annoyed, and then more annoyed that I was annoyed even before I got out of bed this morning. What a way to start the day. I decided to do something about it. Almost every day this summer has begun with Thomas asking if he can play the Wii in the morning. We’d let him play so we can sleep in a little or I’d let him play so I could shower and get ready after a morning run. Then we’d turn it off, have breakfast, and get on with our day. It wouldn’t be long, though, until Thomas was asking when he could play the Wii again.

All day long, I’d get inundated with his requests to play the Wii. McKenzie always wants to play the computer or with my new smartphone, and Mason wants to play the Wii or computer. I’ve been increasingly concerned about how much time my children were spending in front of electronic babysitters. Not only that, but it seemed like my kids argued more, too, because they often bossed each other while playing and got upset if another’s game moves killed their character, even by accident. Each day as the children’s contention increased, I became more and more irritable. Something had to change.

So, today I had a little conference with McKenzie and Thomas. We talked about how we would feel if we walked into a room where everyone was yelling at each other, and how we would feel if we walked into a room where people were speaking kindly and doing nice things for each other. The kids agreed that they would like to live in a home without complaining, whining, arguing, yelling, or hitting. I explained that all of us have things to do to help our home run smoothly. If we all do our part, our home will be a happier home. I wrote a list of ten things I expect the kids to do each day before they turn on the TV, computer, or Wii.

1. personal prayer
2. eat breakfast and put dishes away
3. get dressed and put pjs away
4. family prayer
5. make bed
6. fix hair
7. practice piano
8. make sure your room is tidy
9. pick up ¼ of playroom
10. do your daily job

I also explained that doctors and child development researchers recommend that children should get less than two hours of screen time (TV, computer, game systems) per day. I gave them 4 tickets that were worth 30 minutes each of screen time. (Yes, they do rollover.) They are free to use them once they have completed all ten things on their list, provided it doesn’t interfere with another activity. I had McKenzie and Thomas write up a list of things they can do for fun that doesn’t involve screen time.

We also discussed behavior. Any complaining, whining, hitting, etc, leads to a timeout, and the timer doesn’t start until the child is calm. This rule comes in very handy for the mom who can’t be everywhere and see everything at all times. As I was making dinner, Thomas starting crying because Mason hit him. I hurried to run interference before Thomas hit Mason back (sometimes he can react pretty strongly). I was too late, so I put both in time out. After they calmed down, I first had Thomas give me his account, and asked Mason some clarifying questions, then asked Mason for his account, with clarifying questions for Thomas. Through this, we quickly found out what instigated the event and both boys realized their part in the matter, and apologized. I felt a small sense of victory.

The exception the timeout rule is during piano practice, when I give them a fruit snack for completing each exercise. If they complain about practicing or whatever, or stall, I eat their fruit snack. That whips them into shape super fast. Today was a great piano practice day, and I only had to eat one fruit snack per child!

As a result of laying down these rules, today went much better. The kids did their jobs without complaining. When Thomas started bugging me about playing the Wii as I picked him up from his friend’s house (where he had used up the rest of his screen time tickets), I reminded him that complainers and whiners go to timeout. He said, “Oh yeah, I forgot! Sorry!” And he stopped whining and bugging me about the Wii! I am actually looking forward to tomorrow when I get to try this out all over again. We may make it through August after all! :-)

Let Freedom Ring... and Cars Bling

To celebrate the fourth of July this year, we attended the local parade.... or car/horse/HS band show. I expected something along the lines of Lakefair. I don't know why. Delusions of grandeur for our fair city? Anyway, I let McKenzie practice shooting photos with my camera. She shot car after car after car after car... and horses, a high school band, several local politicians and business people, various military cadet groups, and farm equipment.

The kids enjoyed it. Their favorite part was collecting candy thrown by people in the parade (of course). We sat on the edge of the sidewalk and went home with yellow paint on our bottoms. Very fashionable.

Later we went to a barbeque where the kids got to swim in the pool. We had a great time.

On Sunday night, we let the kids light sparklers and then joined some friends on a field to watch the fireworks. It was a pretty low-key holiday.

(The kids just heard some fireworks go off. I love the look of surprise on Mason's face.)

I am grateful for our freedoms, and especially for the men and women who fight to preserve them, and their families who stalwartly support them. I love this land.